I can play, too

 Terry said one of the things you hear about people from Arkansas is that they don’t wear shoes.  Under my breath and to myself, I said, “That is one of the many.”  

You may ask how my back feels considering I pat it so hard.  Good.  It feels good.

Please don't help me

We get two emails each week when it’s time to submit our timecards.  They are due by 9:00 Monday morning.  We get one email on Friday, and there’s another waiting for us once the weekend is over.  They send both regardless of if we’ve already submitted.  The first thing Terry said to me when I walked in today was. “Don’t forget to submit your timecard.”   

Dog gone

 Reggie took away Barbara’s dog.  He won’t tell them what he did with it.  He just keeps saying “nevermind.”  She doesn’t see think he put her down because everything he does she has to do it with him.  He said he took the dog to a place in Kansas.  She thinks he just dumped her off on the side of the road.  She called animal control to see if they had found the dog.  They asked her for her address, “I’m not givin’ them my address,” she laughed.  “If they find the dog, they’re liable to come fine us or something.”

Yes, ma’am, the punishment fits the crime.  Or maybe you should take your worthless husband out to the middle of nowhere and drop him off.  I wonder how many miles away she would be by the time she stopped laughing.  

The shortlist

Terry said, in reference to my needing cold medicine, “I’m a druggie.  So if you ever need drugs, you know where to come.”  It’s funny.  I think he thinks he’s being edgy.  But actually, it’s just a disappointment.

  

 

He started singing Sweet Home Alabama along with somebody’s ring tone.  Then he said, "I love that song.  But who doesn’t like Skynyrd?"  I looked him in the eye and slowly raised my hand.

I’ve never seen anyone who talks to themselves quite like Terry does.  You think he would tone it down around other people.  He says things like, boy, and, golly.

He told me about eating contests at his church.  I asked him, “Isn’t gluttony a sin?”   He said that if you do it repeatedly it’s a sin, but that eating contests don’t count.   

 
 
  

Character Introduction

Terry

Luckily, I don’t have to say much about Terry.  You’ll find he tells any listening ears everything they might need to know about him. 

I will say that he’s one of the more unaware people I’ve met.  At the same time, he’s not dumb.  We share educational backgrounds but that and our anatomical gender are where the similarities end. 

Let’s get right to it.

 

He told me he had something with sauerkraut on it for lunch.  Then he apologized to me in case I don’t like kraut.  I don’t.  I hate it.  It smells terrible, looks worse, and tastes like somebody forgot to add several ingredients.  I told him, “I absolutely despise sauerkraut.”  Then he opened his pungent item and it is currently filling the office with its German essence.

If you bring something that you apologize for, why did you bring it? It’s like warming up fish in the microwave.  No consideration.     

You're on the right path

Barbara called the school because they marked Rachel absent in first hour.  She is able to see her daughter’s grades in real time.  Isn’t that terrifying?  Barbara said on this end of a phone call, “I don’t think my daughter has a teacher with that name.  Is it a substitute?” It’s not.  Barbara just didn’t know.  Which is strange because she constantly remarks on Rachel’s grades, she just doesn’t know how to do anything about it.  

For instance, she had been assigned a paper several weeks ago.  Because that’s how they prepare kids for college where papers will be due in a few days.  By dragging them out for weeks.  But Rachel hadn’t done any work on it.  Then, as goes the story, the teacher yelled at her.  Even “bugged out his eyes” at her.   But Barbara was trying to get hold of the teacher because her daughter just didn’t understand how to do the paper.  Rachel reportedly tried to stay during the lunch period one day, but the teacher said she had to go to lunch even though she doesn’t eat.  She’s actually been saving her lunch money but still asking her parents for money all the time.  

It’s hard to focus on one thing when I’m overhearing these phone calls. So much gets thrown at me.    

 

Going down?

This morning on the elevator a couple gentlemen were already talking and joking with each other.  The lone woman out of five people (myself included) on the elevator got off on the second floor.  The rest of us, a maintenance man, two suits and myself, rode to our floor. 

One of the suits, the submissive one in the conversation, said something about some professional therapy class he had to take.  The other suit replies with, “Jeeze, what is it?  Shock therapy?”

His counterpart laughed, “Yeah.  What, you haven’t had it?”

“Haha, I’ve been married for twenty years, I think that’s shock therapy enough.”  They chuckled.  I shook my head and walked down the hall as soon as the elevator doors opened.  They followed at a more leisurely pace. 

Adding to what he thought was hilarious, the dominant suit said, “I feel like I’ve been waterboarded already.  Nothing’s torture anymore.”

They guffawed until they were out of earshot. 

Tell me that guy doesn’t vote republican.