Mmm, negligence

Jennifer hasn’t spoken to Barbara in a week or so.  Jennifer called Rachel last night to see if she could babysit.  Barbara was on the phone and neither of them knew it.  Jennifer said it would only be until ten, then Rachel could leave.  The thing is, Jennifer wasn’t going to be back at ten.  “Well, they’ll just go to sleep after that,” she explained.  Then Brenda cut in and blew up at her about not taking care of her kids.  Jennifer got defensive, said, “I’m not talking to you about this.  I got somebody else to watch them.”   

 This has court case written all over it.

Cs make degrees

Barbara was talking to Rachel about her failing grades.  Rachel’s excuse was “I was tired, I didn’t feel like doing it.”  And Barbara accepted that.  I’m not saying she was happy about it, but she didn’t scold her or anything.  Granted, none of this should be happening on the phone while she’s at work, but…

That's why teachers earn the big bucks

Barbara’s talking about a five year old that she knows who “talks big.”  Barbara was surprised to hear her say that school was going to be “exciting.”  Eventually, Barbara said that she doesn’t even think the little girl is in preschool.  “I think her mom teaches her stuff.”  She said it like she was shocked at the concept.   

Concerned for the wrong reason

Barbara is giving Rachel the third degree about why she got a B on her AP Econ test.  She is wondering how she was able to get such a high grade when she is doing so poorly in the class.  I’m glad it was always the opposite with my parents. 

Machine Gun Eileen

An older co-worker speaks like machine gun bursts.  She won’t wait her turn.  I find conversations go like this;

“Hey, older co-worker,”

Yessir

“I finished with the”

Oh you finished awesome

“stuff you needed me to do but”

Uhoh is there a problem

“I have a question about this address on”

Which one? That one?

“The last one.  Should I use”

Whyntcha just do it as is and I’ll let them correct me?

“The full P.O. box or just a partial since it doesn’t fit?”  

It's exhausting 

Tidbits

Barbara thinks her fish is smart because he floats to the surface when she gets the food out at the same time every day.  

So Jennifer left her kids alone the other day.  One of the neighbor kids came over and Sebastian ended up with two staples in his head because he "fell off a stool."  Now there is talk at the apartment complex of calling CPS.  

We just taught Barbara how to copy/paste on her computer.  First we had to teach her how to right click.  Forget about keyboard shortcuts.

Barbara is asking Rachel about her grades.  The funny part is, Barbara can’t even pronounce most of the classes she’s asking her about. Microkenomics?  Not sure I’m familiar with that one.  

Terry showed us some family photos he had taken at a department store.  I could have taken more appealing pictures of salted meats. 

Down goes Sherri

Barbara - Sherri sprang [sic] both her ankles!

She did, according to at least one doctor, sprain both her ankles.  This is round one of what will go on to be a very rocky relationship between Sherri and her employment. 

Character Introduction

Sherri

The receptionist.  A strange position for a department that has no other contact with customers directly, she answers phones and possibly greets visitors.  Sherri is a short woman with long, poofy, gray hair and some children who are too old to be living at home.  If she misses a day of work, Barbara fills in the role.  I've already seen two new receptionists in the time I've been here.  There's friction. 

La sal de la tierra

The guys who came to clean windows in the office, not the outside windows, but the windows that separate us from our superiors, they have interesting conversation.  They were talking about how strange it would be to see the people they work with in a suit.  Apparently, they think the only places you should wear a suit are funerals.  One of them said, “Like, what if Hector fell off the roof tomorrow and we all had to go to his funeral.  Do you think Dave would wear a suit?  I just can’t picture it.”

The other one chimed in, “No, but Hector wouldn’t have a funeral.”

“That’s true.  He doesn’t exist.  What do they do with illegal Mexicans?”

“I don’t know, man.”

“They prolly just throw ‘em in the river.”

This is a quiet office.

A regular June Cleaver

Over the phone, Barbara is telling Jennifer to be a better mother.  That seems like appropriate work conversation. 

This is what Jennifer said, “How am I supposed to make my kids sleep.  I put them in their rooms so how am I supposed to know if they’re sleeping or not?”  What a mother.  And yes, she talks loudly enough for me to hear her. 

She says CPS “Won’t find nothin’” on her.  She’s a “good” mother and always there for her kids.  She went out to eat (drink was implied) last night and left the kids alone. 

“My friends are the only ones who keep me going?” Jennifer said.  What about her children?

Character Introduction

Jennifer

 

It's not unusual to know things about coworkers' families.  For example, the name of her oldest child (Jennifer), how old she is (30 something), where she lives (a block from Barbara), how many children she has (four; 11 (Kaylee), 8 (Daniel), 4 (Felipe), and 2 (Sebastian)).  
There are some things, however, that I was surprised to find out.  For instance, the father of Jennifer's children has been deported because he was here illegally.  Or that these children are often left to fend for themselves when Jennifer goes out.  It seems, or rather seemed, that these were things that should be kept to one's self.  Luckily for me, this isn't always the case. 

Not here, not like this

 Terry got a call from some sort of collector.  I didn’t know what kind because I didn’t ask.  But he was very short with her and told her to stop harassing him at work.  The call ended quickly.  Apparently, this woman had previously been rude to his wife.  And I don’t know his wife, but from what I know of her, I am pretty sure the rudeness went both ways.   

A couple days later, he was on the phone to the newspaper to cancel their subscription because they are being overcharged.   He got snippy like he does so I told him so.  For somebody who worked in a call center, he was surprisingly rude. 

Then

His wife emails him and tells him to cancel his cancellation.  So now he has to call back the same person and reopen his subscription.  Immediate karmic revenge.    

 

He chew chew chooses obliviousness

 Terry eats lunch with earbuds in.  He can’t hear the disgusting noises his mouth makes as he chews with it hanging open.  He laughs and breathes heavily without using his nose.  It’s a wonder he doesn’t end up with his lunch all over his shirt.  You would think hearing your chewing in your head would make you do it more quietly, but it seems to make him oblivious to his own symphony of bad manners.  

You should shouldn’t hear him eat cereal. 

A Vue to be killed

Seconds after sitting down, Barbara started into it.  “Well, I made a big purchase this weekend.”  Then in a hushed voice, “I bought me a another vehicle.”

I’ve been tuning her out more recently.  She also hasn’t been at her desk much.  I’m glad though.  It’s the only way I can get any work done.  With being interrupted, intentionally or unintentionally, by Terry, if I were eavesdropping on her issues, I’d never get anything done.  Lucky for me, he doesn’t seem to be here this morning. 

 I got Barbara’s story, loud and clear.  As did anybody else working on my floor.  “I’m not sure yet if we really shoulda done it.  We just had to take the Malibu to the shop because the check engine light came on after we put some gas in it.  They said, for the light, the transmission pan that was leakin’, the brakes, and we didn’t even ask them to look at the brakes, near thousand dollars to fix all that.  We just asked them to fix the light.  And I’m not really sure, how do they know it wasn’t some freak thing with the light from the gas we put in?”  So we just pay for the light and go walk around the lot.  Then we find this little Saturn SUV thing.  It’s called a Vue.  It’s pretty cute.  There goes Reggie’s Social Security,” she said jokingly, but she wasn’t joking.  “But [Reggie] said, ‘You’ve lived without it before,’ and I was like I know.  But we’re gonna have to stop eatin out so much.  I’m still not convinced it was a good idea.”

“How much did you pay for it?” her desk partner asked, as if the gods themselves willed her to do so for my benefit.  And I’m really not sure what to make of her answer.  She said, “They were askin’ seventeen, but they dropped it to thirteen-somethin’.  But it ended up, with everything being like twenty-four.” What?  Seriously?  How does that work?  Eleven grand in extra fees and stuff?  I bet these two are a negotiator’s dream.  I bet there are dozens layers of undercoating on that car.  She said she got some extra insurance on it, which I think she meant was an extended warrantee.  But still, that’s a lot of money for a couple years of worry free* maintenance.  Regardless, $24,000 for a used SUV made by a company she didn’t even know was defunct.  This will not end well.

I can play, too

 Terry said one of the things you hear about people from Arkansas is that they don’t wear shoes.  Under my breath and to myself, I said, “That is one of the many.”  

You may ask how my back feels considering I pat it so hard.  Good.  It feels good.

Please don't help me

We get two emails each week when it’s time to submit our timecards.  They are due by 9:00 Monday morning.  We get one email on Friday, and there’s another waiting for us once the weekend is over.  They send both regardless of if we’ve already submitted.  The first thing Terry said to me when I walked in today was. “Don’t forget to submit your timecard.”   

Dog gone

 Reggie took away Barbara’s dog.  He won’t tell them what he did with it.  He just keeps saying “nevermind.”  She doesn’t see think he put her down because everything he does she has to do it with him.  He said he took the dog to a place in Kansas.  She thinks he just dumped her off on the side of the road.  She called animal control to see if they had found the dog.  They asked her for her address, “I’m not givin’ them my address,” she laughed.  “If they find the dog, they’re liable to come fine us or something.”

Yes, ma’am, the punishment fits the crime.  Or maybe you should take your worthless husband out to the middle of nowhere and drop him off.  I wonder how many miles away she would be by the time she stopped laughing.  

The shortlist

Terry said, in reference to my needing cold medicine, “I’m a druggie.  So if you ever need drugs, you know where to come.”  It’s funny.  I think he thinks he’s being edgy.  But actually, it’s just a disappointment.

  

 

He started singing Sweet Home Alabama along with somebody’s ring tone.  Then he said, "I love that song.  But who doesn’t like Skynyrd?"  I looked him in the eye and slowly raised my hand.

I’ve never seen anyone who talks to themselves quite like Terry does.  You think he would tone it down around other people.  He says things like, boy, and, golly.

He told me about eating contests at his church.  I asked him, “Isn’t gluttony a sin?”   He said that if you do it repeatedly it’s a sin, but that eating contests don’t count.   

 
 
  

Character Introduction

Terry

Luckily, I don’t have to say much about Terry.  You’ll find he tells any listening ears everything they might need to know about him. 

I will say that he’s one of the more unaware people I’ve met.  At the same time, he’s not dumb.  We share educational backgrounds but that and our anatomical gender are where the similarities end. 

Let’s get right to it.

 

He told me he had something with sauerkraut on it for lunch.  Then he apologized to me in case I don’t like kraut.  I don’t.  I hate it.  It smells terrible, looks worse, and tastes like somebody forgot to add several ingredients.  I told him, “I absolutely despise sauerkraut.”  Then he opened his pungent item and it is currently filling the office with its German essence.

If you bring something that you apologize for, why did you bring it? It’s like warming up fish in the microwave.  No consideration.