Cs make degrees

Barbara was talking to Rachel about her failing grades.  Rachel’s excuse was “I was tired, I didn’t feel like doing it.”  And Barbara accepted that.  I’m not saying she was happy about it, but she didn’t scold her or anything.  Granted, none of this should be happening on the phone while she’s at work, but…

That's why teachers earn the big bucks

Barbara’s talking about a five year old that she knows who “talks big.”  Barbara was surprised to hear her say that school was going to be “exciting.”  Eventually, Barbara said that she doesn’t even think the little girl is in preschool.  “I think her mom teaches her stuff.”  She said it like she was shocked at the concept.   

Tidbits

Barbara thinks her fish is smart because he floats to the surface when she gets the food out at the same time every day.  

So Jennifer left her kids alone the other day.  One of the neighbor kids came over and Sebastian ended up with two staples in his head because he "fell off a stool."  Now there is talk at the apartment complex of calling CPS.  

We just taught Barbara how to copy/paste on her computer.  First we had to teach her how to right click.  Forget about keyboard shortcuts.

Barbara is asking Rachel about her grades.  The funny part is, Barbara can’t even pronounce most of the classes she’s asking her about. Microkenomics?  Not sure I’m familiar with that one.  

Terry showed us some family photos he had taken at a department store.  I could have taken more appealing pictures of salted meats. 

A regular June Cleaver

Over the phone, Barbara is telling Jennifer to be a better mother.  That seems like appropriate work conversation. 

This is what Jennifer said, “How am I supposed to make my kids sleep.  I put them in their rooms so how am I supposed to know if they’re sleeping or not?”  What a mother.  And yes, she talks loudly enough for me to hear her. 

She says CPS “Won’t find nothin’” on her.  She’s a “good” mother and always there for her kids.  She went out to eat (drink was implied) last night and left the kids alone. 

“My friends are the only ones who keep me going?” Jennifer said.  What about her children?

Not here, not like this

 Terry got a call from some sort of collector.  I didn’t know what kind because I didn’t ask.  But he was very short with her and told her to stop harassing him at work.  The call ended quickly.  Apparently, this woman had previously been rude to his wife.  And I don’t know his wife, but from what I know of her, I am pretty sure the rudeness went both ways.   

A couple days later, he was on the phone to the newspaper to cancel their subscription because they are being overcharged.   He got snippy like he does so I told him so.  For somebody who worked in a call center, he was surprisingly rude. 

Then

His wife emails him and tells him to cancel his cancellation.  So now he has to call back the same person and reopen his subscription.  Immediate karmic revenge.    

 

He chew chew chooses obliviousness

 Terry eats lunch with earbuds in.  He can’t hear the disgusting noises his mouth makes as he chews with it hanging open.  He laughs and breathes heavily without using his nose.  It’s a wonder he doesn’t end up with his lunch all over his shirt.  You would think hearing your chewing in your head would make you do it more quietly, but it seems to make him oblivious to his own symphony of bad manners.  

You should shouldn’t hear him eat cereal. 

I can play, too

 Terry said one of the things you hear about people from Arkansas is that they don’t wear shoes.  Under my breath and to myself, I said, “That is one of the many.”  

You may ask how my back feels considering I pat it so hard.  Good.  It feels good.

Dog gone

 Reggie took away Barbara’s dog.  He won’t tell them what he did with it.  He just keeps saying “nevermind.”  She doesn’t see think he put her down because everything he does she has to do it with him.  He said he took the dog to a place in Kansas.  She thinks he just dumped her off on the side of the road.  She called animal control to see if they had found the dog.  They asked her for her address, “I’m not givin’ them my address,” she laughed.  “If they find the dog, they’re liable to come fine us or something.”

Yes, ma’am, the punishment fits the crime.  Or maybe you should take your worthless husband out to the middle of nowhere and drop him off.  I wonder how many miles away she would be by the time she stopped laughing.  

The shortlist

Terry said, in reference to my needing cold medicine, “I’m a druggie.  So if you ever need drugs, you know where to come.”  It’s funny.  I think he thinks he’s being edgy.  But actually, it’s just a disappointment.

  

 

He started singing Sweet Home Alabama along with somebody’s ring tone.  Then he said, "I love that song.  But who doesn’t like Skynyrd?"  I looked him in the eye and slowly raised my hand.

I’ve never seen anyone who talks to themselves quite like Terry does.  You think he would tone it down around other people.  He says things like, boy, and, golly.

He told me about eating contests at his church.  I asked him, “Isn’t gluttony a sin?”   He said that if you do it repeatedly it’s a sin, but that eating contests don’t count.   

 
 
  

Going down?

This morning on the elevator a couple gentlemen were already talking and joking with each other.  The lone woman out of five people (myself included) on the elevator got off on the second floor.  The rest of us, a maintenance man, two suits and myself, rode to our floor. 

One of the suits, the submissive one in the conversation, said something about some professional therapy class he had to take.  The other suit replies with, “Jeeze, what is it?  Shock therapy?”

His counterpart laughed, “Yeah.  What, you haven’t had it?”

“Haha, I’ve been married for twenty years, I think that’s shock therapy enough.”  They chuckled.  I shook my head and walked down the hall as soon as the elevator doors opened.  They followed at a more leisurely pace. 

Adding to what he thought was hilarious, the dominant suit said, “I feel like I’ve been waterboarded already.  Nothing’s torture anymore.”

They guffawed until they were out of earshot. 

Tell me that guy doesn’t vote republican. 

Willful ignorance

Barbara knows she speaks incorrectly.  In a phone conversation, in response to something on the other end of a telephone, she said, “It don’t matter.” She paused for the other person to speak and then, in a sigh, “Dooooesn’t maaatterrr.” So she knows she is ignorant.  Isn’t that mind blowing? 

I'd like to thank all the little people

John has accepted a new position elsewhere on my floor.  The “I won’t be far” meter has started.  It is at two.  He has said it twice and it’s not even twenty after eight.  I’m going to start hearing him complain and moan and follow it up with, “But I don’t have to worry about it anymore.” Without the least bit of awareness that he is basically saying, “I am better than you now.  I don’t have to deal with these little problems anymore.” 

Perspective

They were talking about a terrible car wreck that happened this morning.  Noreen said her husband’s boss said it happened behind her.  Noreen said she was lucky she didn’t get stuck behind the wreck.  Yeah, that would have sucked.

Put it in your pocket

So, the other day, the day before Thanksgiving, Margaret came around about 3:00 letting people know they could go home early.  It had turned into a pretty slow day so it was a nice gesture.  Noreen couldn’t leave.  She had to wait for her husband to get off since they ride together.  Then she told us that Sherry was stuck up front covering the phones, so she was going to have the chance to leave early today.  I agree.  Good move.  Very considerate.

John was also given the opportunity to leave early the other day.  But since he and Jackie ride together, he somehow also gets to leave early today.  Sherry’s inability to take advantage of the early release offer warrants her leaving early today.  John, however, wasn’t unable to take advantage of it.  He could have left early.  He chose not to.  So why does he get to reschedule that offer? 

Okay, okay, maybe I’m just bitter because I want to go home early today and still get paid, but I think I have a good point.  And for those who aren’t convinced that I should be remotely upset about this, a few minutes ago, he stood up from his chair and gave a stretch with a long sigh.  He turned to me and said, “Looks like you’re gonna be stuck here ‘til 4:30 today, huh?” Yep, looks that way.  What the fuck kind of comment is that?  Just rubbing in the fact that he took advantage of a nice offer by putting it in his pocket and saving it for another day.  It’s what he is so fond of referring to as, “Rude.” Listen, fucker, I know you get to leave early today.  I tune into every conversation on levels you can’t even imagine.  C’mon, baby tomato, ketchup. 

The Update:

John left at 3:00 on the dot.  En punto.  He told me that if I needed anything up until 4:00 to call him at Jackie’s extension as that would be where he is spending this hour.  The question I have to ask at this point is, “How is spending an hour sitting in Jackie’s cubicle on a Friday any different than it would have been on Wednesday.  Oh well, I’m ducking out at 4:00.  I win.   

Stolen Conversations II

 Reggieeeeee.  No you don’t put bleach on colored clothes. 

[pause as he explains something] 

Well maybe it just depends on the material; I bet that’s what it is. 

[pause] 

Well yeah, with lighter colored stuff. 

[pause] 

Well, as long as it wasn’t none of my work clothes. 

It's mostly in my head

Sometimes I picture exploding.  Literally and figuratively.  Hearing John say something on the phone to his sister / wife / mother, I just want to throw things at him.  I never would because I know I’m just neurotic and can’t stand minor imperfections in other people.  It’s not always their fault.  But I’ll picture it.  The first thing within reach and usually already in my hand is my mouse.  I feel better when I fantasize about chucking it at him because I know its cord won’t reach that far.  I’d let go and it would fly toward him.  It’s close enough where it would definitely scare him.  But then the cord would pull taught and the mouse would fall, swinging under his desk and coming to a stop before he picked it up and handed it back to me after hanging up the phone.  

I think it’s my turn for a vacation. 

Does 5:00 still count if it's A.M.?

Sometimes these people seem so oblivious or carefree that I think they’ve been drinking.  How else can you explain the loose tongues and blathering?

The land of the litigious

Barbara got some medication for a sore under her nose.  She also had a sore in her mouth, so she put some of the medication in her mouth.  Now her face is numb.  Where did thought go?  And she called her illiterate, unemployed, sleep-til-noon husband to make sure they had enough information in case there ended up being a lawsuit.  Thisfuckingsociety.

Ruin life, get paid

John and Jackie had their “work” wedding shower today around lunchtime.  I didn’t give them any money and I don’t feel bad about it.  When he got back to his cubicle, I asked him how it was as I left before it ended.  He said it was good.  Then he removed a wad of cash from his pocket, held it up and said, “Yes, it was very good,” as he flipped through the bills.  Fuck that.  I know you just got a bunch of money.  You don’t have to brag about it.  I’d rather not have that money and not have to spend the rest of my life with Jackie.